always happens

this sucks. I was deep into slumber and, as usual, was dreaming. I dreamt that my house’s ceiling came collapsing down and I got buried right under. I screamed helplessly for help but no one heard me. I feared for my life and my parents and eventually my eyes shut and my heart stops beating…. just right at this moment I jumped up of my bed. I pinched myself and was so glad that I am still alive….

I think I am someone who is very afraid of death. The reasons could be simply I cannot let go of the things that I possess easily. the thought of losing my friends and my family when death strikes is unthinkable and unbearable. so now I’m right awake due to the horrible nightmare and I don’t know what to do right now.

Am feeling moody recently as well as I possibly have angered people unknowingly (but now I know). I’m unsure if that was for me, but if it was then should I let you have your way? All the harsh tones and anything else seem to confirm my suspicions. never mind. everyone treats me this way, but I will not give up things that I have (maybe I just think that I have) so easily. we’ll see we’ll see….

I shall try to sleep in the mean time. elbows are aching from constant bending posture. goodnight.

/I don’t wanna lose you.

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